When your big YES uncovers your shadow

Have you ever had a golden opportunity magically appear before your eyes, and although everything in your being is saying YES YES YES you have absolutely no idea how it will unfold, and then.. you take that risk, open up, stand in your powerful YES and then….

You think, ‘Oh shit.. what have I done?!!’

Because your big YES was really the Universe creating a sparkly, intriguing, captivating reason for you to step waaaaay outside of your comfort zone, do something you’ve been dreaming of doing for years, and not realizing that by actually doing it.. saying YES, booking the ticket, creating a plan, organizing your life around it… that holy sh*t this feels really BIG!  And, ummmm… kind of completely terrifying!!!

And wow, am I equipped, brave, courageous, committed enough to go through with this?! Ha!

I want to let you in on a little secret.  I have always dreamed of being a big worldwide traveler. Although I’ve traveled a few times to Europe, West Africa, Jamaica, Hawaii and all over the states, I have yet to go on a journey to the other side of the earth (holy crap!) with a few hefty double digit flights, a long layover in Doha, Qatar (you know, that little country sandwiched between Saudi Arabia & Iran smack dab in the center of the Middle East) and a quick layover in Shanghai before I hop on a flight to my destination for this sacred, magical, intense and oh so intriguing trip to BALI!!! indonesia-bali-map

As I write this I’m giggling.. and blushing 🙂  Here is the courageous woman, who walks through the fire on the regular, puts herself out here for all to see…. and I’m completely freaked out (this is true!) about taking a 35 hour trip to the other side of the world ‘by myself!’

Can you relate???

Honestly, I feel a bit silly about all of this and actually quite vulnerable sharing this with you.. I also recognize it as the EXACT type of golden opportunity I need to be saying YES to!

Here’s what happened… I’ve started working with a Human Design coach (Jennifer Bronsnick.. love her!) and I’ve discovered that I’m a ‘Projector.’  So is my friend Karin Pinter.. hoot hoot!

Well, the Projectors strategy that I’m stepping into right now is ‘waiting for divine invitations.’  This is a HUGE challenge for me, and something that I’m also fully stepping into and being completely stretched by in the most powerful ways.

Soooo… when I walked into my business mentress Sage Lavine‘s gorgeous ocean view home in Santa Cruz a few weeks ago, and she pulled me aside, looked me in the eyes and personally invited me to join her and 20 other incredibly brilliant Femmpreneurs on an Empressmind retreat in Bali, my body shook and my heart opened with that full body YES that feels ohhhh soooo goood!!


Then my mind kicked in, I’m a single Mom, I’ve got client responsibilities, how am I going to pay for this, what will my Parents say… what will my Parents say?!  I’m 36.. oh gosh.. and yes, what will my Parents say!!!  Will Kaya (my savvy and ever so practical daughter) say?


My heart. said. YES.

Who would have known… that by saying a BIG YES to this golden opportunity, to travel to a land that was literally, 3 days prior, calling to me, letting me know it is time to journey there, that my little one inside would feel so vulnerable, so naked, so teeny tiny in the grand scheme of things and so terrified of the unknown that awaits me on what is sure to be the next great adventure of my life…

Bali-LandscapeAs I type this my eyes are filled with the emotion that trembles in my heart.  I know, that not for nothing and not for the fear, anxiety or feeling small that I am experiencing right now… will I turn my back on my YES.. no way no how!!

Then last night as I lay in bed reading Steven Pressfields ‘The War of Art,’ a book Marie Forleo recommends, I came upon the chapter about Resistance and Fear.  Here’s an excerpt:

‘Are you paralyzed with fear?  That’s a good sign.  Fear is good.  Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator.  Fear tells us what we have to do.’  He goes on to state that, ‘The professional tackles the project that will make him stretch.  He takes on the assignment that will bear him into uncharted waters, compel him to explore unconscious parts of himself.  Is he scared?  Hell, yes.  He’s petrified.  So if you’re paralyzed with fear, it’s a good sign.  It shows you what you have to do.’

And of course I was like… whoa!  Ok, yes Universe, I HEAR YOU!

Now, before you and all that is and ever was, I hereby declare that I will continue to stand in my powerful YES, knowing that this truly is the crack that I’ve needed on the next layer of shell encrusted around my beingness, to shine light in the dark places while I continue to stretch into the fullest and most glorious me I can be… on my way to Bali 🙂

Can I get a WITNESS?!!!

Now tell me tell me tell me… WHAT are YOU saying YES to?

Are you going all in, in the face of fear, walking through the fire… or are you choosing to pull back, re~asses, decline the invitation, play it safe?

I’d love to hear about how your sacred YES has uncovered dark places in you that were ready to be shone in the light.  Please leave a comment below!

Also, feel free to share your tips and tricks for keeping things fresh while spending 30+ hours traveling to the other side of the globe 🙂

Give thanks for holding me in my vulnerability..

Love Love & Highly Bless,






Ps… I felt inspired to record something special for you all last night.. you can have a listen by clicking here

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