Are you listening to the song of your Soul? Update on my Digital Pause

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I realize I’ve been out of touch for quite a while. I’ve been thinking about my community (YOU!), holding you in my heart, planning to reach out, and….. I’ve been putting it off.

Here’s an update from my last blog of 2015…..

As you may have read, something really big was beginning to shift within me late summer/early fall 2015. The seed of that shift was planted a year before in the summer of 2014. As last September rolled around I found myself in the midst of a major life transition, with my only child going away to college and the next phase of my life beginning to peak through the soil and reach for the sunshine. My whole world started opening up before me.

I felt…. scared, nervous, excited, confugled (it’s a word I made up years ago, sort of a blend of confused and mixed up ;), contemplative and full of anticipation to discover how my life will unfold before me in the days/months/years ahead.

In October 2015 I began to dive into the beginning of a rebranding process for ‘Laura Aiisha’ while mapping out another plan that would possibly, potentially be the magic key that would allow me to make the significant shifts in my life I’ve been dreaming of, but haven’t, until now, had the freedoms, time and space to even consider.

And you know what?! Instead of feeling super jazzed and stoked on it, I felt the opposite. It felt heavy, daunting, overwhelming.. Not. Fun.

I know that life can be like this sometimes. It can feel funky until you break through to the other side. And sometimes breaking through means staying the course, other times it means surrendering to your souls calling to letting it all go.

Side note.. I’m hearing the song Sarah and I sang in our TedxBuffaloWomen talk that goes Who am I being? What am I choosing? What do I want? How will I live?! check the video at the end of this blog 😉

In November I finally had the courage to admit that all of this activity around rebranding, doing this, launching that wasn’t feeling very magical to me. It was feeling like work (in a bad way.. I actually love to roll up my sleeves and get my hands all up in it, but this was different), like it was dragging me down, it wasn’t flowing. It felt the exact opposite of how I desire to feel as I’m birthing my power and purpose into the world.

So I decided that instead of going the old route of ‘pushing through it’ and just ‘going for it’ I decided to LISTEN to my Soul’s calling.

My Soul was saying, ‘STOP. LISTEN. WAIT. PAUSE!!!’

My Soul was aching for time, space, healing, attention. And all of this doing and busy making was distracting me from coming home to myself, going within and getting more quiet so that I could feel, hear, heal and know how to be. here. now. Instead of running, chasing, making it happen. The big question and meditation for me is this…

How can I continue to open up and receive instead?!!’

In mid-November I decided to take a pause from social media, put a pause on all of my projects (except what was allowing me to pay my bills for the moment) and even… drum roll please!! Put a pause on dating and intimate relations with men. WHOA!! This is really big stuff here!! Huge for the super extrovert who gets so much in life from my connections and interactions with others, and who loves good lovin’ and playing the field!!

I had to get rid of the distractions.

As the year was winding down, with about a month off of social media (which I’ve hardly missed) I came down with bronchitis the weekend before Christmas. So I had to rest and chill, which is one of my biggest challenges in life, because there’s so much to do/ be/ experience/ create!! I also had to reach out for support, allow myself to be taken care of and ditch the long to-do list.

I convinced myself that I was taking the holidays off, but really I had hours and hours of tasks on schedule to complete before the new year. Admittedly, I’m a bit of a productivity junkie.. I get off on checking things off of the to-do list. It’s an old habit I picked up from my Dad. And because I was recovering from bronchitis, I had to let a lot of that stuff go. I simply didn’t have the energy for it.

Then a week after new years the stomach bug moved through me (talk about purging!!!) and again I was pretty much laid up for a weekend resting, chilling and taking care of myself.

This is a different time for me. It’s exciting and uncomfortable, really really uncomfortable at times. I’m shedding old ways to make space for the new, purging both physically, spiritually and energetically, cutting ties and chords with the past and preparing myself for the amazing future that is coming in now.

I’m writing all of this for a few reasons. I’ve been thinking of you, missing you, and wanting to share some of where I’m at, what I’m choosing, who I’m being aside from the image I could be portraying with a few social media posts here and there, some fun pictures and marketing promo for my next gig, event or project.

I’m also sharing because I’m wondering if you can relate, perhaps you’ve gone through your own pause(s). (If so, I’d LOVE to hear about it! leave a comment and share your stories with me!) Or perhaps you know you need to put a pause on certain things, but you’re scared to take the leap, or press your finger on the ‘pause’ button 😉

I want you to know that I’m simply and powerfully here.

I’ve been seeing a therapist the last 9 months or so. It’s been years since I went to traditional therapy and the timing was right on point. He’s been suggesting that I be a little more ‘boring’ (jeezz I severely dislike that word.. it doesn’t usually exist in my vocabulary!!) for a while so that I can actually create space for what’s ready to come up, be seen, embraced and cleared out, and to know what’s ready to be activated on.

His suggestion came because I’m brilliant at filling my life with beautiful distractions, flitting from this to that, and then wondering why I continue having the same, or similar, experiences with different players, ups and downs, highs and lows etc.. riding the marry-go-round basically.

Here’s what is true for me right now…

I’m choosing to consciously co~create my life anew, by gently surrendering to my soul’s calling, knowing that this is exactly where I need to be right. now. I’m listening more intently than ever, to my own inner guidance and slowing down a bit. Even though it feels soooo borrrinnnggg, mundane and uncomfortable at times, it also feels so frickin’ powerful to be choosing this! I feel more empowered within myself than ever before!!

Can you dig?!!

One thing is for sure… I am so sooo incredibly grateful for you!! We’ve been on this journey together for a while now, and I couldn’t do it without you.

I’m embarking on some new pathways, wavelengths and vibrations.. (It’s amazing how, when you create space and time in your life to just be, you begin to hear the things that have been vying for your attention.)

So if you don’t hear from me for a while or too often for the next bit just know that as I hold you in my heart and blessings, I’m also taking time for me, going within, writing, playing guitar and most likely laying the foundation for some really frickin’ amazing, soul igniting, mind expanding, heart filling awesomeness that will surely inspire, uplift and wake up our worlds within and without for the better!

Loving and Honoring you in this most DIVINE New Year! May you and yours continue to be HIGHLY BLESSED in ALL directions of time and space, in all that you do and be, and may you continue to listen to the song (and sound) of your soul!!

BEST of the BEST to you and yours in 2016 and beyond!!

More Love & Powers,

 

 

 

This is the Tedx talk that my twin sistar Sarah and I did for #BuffaloTedxWomen in 2013!

There it was ringing from the speakers.. Exactly what I needed to hear!!

I want to share with you a powerful experience I had recently that was totally synchronistic, magical, and full of Divine presence & flow. I was in the middle of watching a movie with my twin sistar Sarah when my daughter started texting me about something personal and painful she was dealing with regarding some friends of hers. So my stress level was heightened, and after the intense weekend she and I just moved through, I was feeling a bit whelmed by it all. Then my friend stopped by to watch the movie with us, which I had put on hold. I have this little remote control for my desktop MAC and tried to use it to start the movie again. And in one of those moments of being totally annoyed with technology (for no reason, just my state of being at the time) it didn’t seem like anything was happening. Then all of a sudden, from the speakers of the computer came the most supremely divine message I could have received at that moment… As some of you know I am a HUGE reggae fan! Although I don’t subscribe to religion, there is something about RASTAFARI, a faith born … Continue reading

We did it!!! 'Pleasant Surprises' is my day 7 song for The Haykel Twins 7 day song challenge!

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Let's make it easy, the good juicy fulfilling in the flow in the know kind of easy

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Need to build your spiritual muscles? No gym membership fees required for this workout!

I’ve always wanted the life of my dreams to come quickly…when I see something that I like and desire to have it, I want it NOW dammit!!  This is how I’ve shown up in much of my life.  Patience has been one of those muscles I’ve had to learn to strengthen and develop through the years.  And let me tell ya…it hasn’t always been easy.  However, life presents countless opportunities to flex and tone this muscle and this is exactly what I want to share with you today. Building spiritual muscles is very much like building physical muscles.  You’ve got to show up and engage in a practice day after day.  When you first get started and feel your muscles burning you may want to give up and give in.  Then there are times you don’t even want to go to the gym or yoga class or for a run; however, you know how good you’ll feel once you work your body out, burn some calories and strengthen your core.  At times your muscles will burn, you might feel tired and want to give up and sometimes you might even feel like throwing up!  But you keep at it because … Continue reading

Allowing the messiness of life to flow..

  I dropped my phone today… i’ve dropped my phone on many other occasions before however, this time it was different… because it dropped 3 feet, face down flat onto the concrete floor in my parents basement.  Instead of going into what used to be the usual tirade of goda**it, sh*t, f*ck, motherf*ker… why me, what’s this going to cost, now its not nice and shiny and new looking anymore, how will this change my daily flow with this phone I use so often to organize my busy life, will I get a glass splinter in my finger now with all that swiping i’m doing?!   I stopped.. I took a few breaths.. I recognized this as another opportunity to easefully allow the messiness of life that happens from time to time to flow in and out.  This area has been a major sore spot for me in the past… like the time someone backed into the passenger side door of my new car and never bothered to leave a little ‘whoops I hit your car.. here’s my number’ note.  I remember how I allowed the bump in my car door to bruise my soul… to shake my pride and … Continue reading

Let go.. trust the process.. allow the flow

This is the order of the day… I realize how much I can get in my own way trying to manage, micromanage and control myself, others, the flow etc. This morning I am reminded of the peace and expansion that occurs when I let go of it all, relax and release the pressure.  THIS is the feeling place I desire to be anchored into as I continue to attract the life of my dreams. What helps you let go?  What gets in your way?  Let me know in the comments section.  I so look forward to reading your beautiful perspectives! … Continue reading