I realize I’ve been out of touch for quite a while. I’ve been thinking about my community (YOU!), holding you in my heart, planning to reach out, and….. I’ve been putting it off.
Here’s an update from my last blog of 2015…..
As you may have read, something really big was beginning to shift within me late summer/early fall 2015. The seed of that shift was planted a year before in the summer of 2014. As last September rolled around I found myself in the midst of a major life transition, with my only child going away to college and the next phase of my life beginning to peak through the soil and reach for the sunshine. My whole world started opening up before me.
I felt…. scared, nervous, excited, confugled (it’s a word I made up years ago, sort of a blend of confused and mixed up ;), contemplative and full of anticipation to discover how my life will unfold before me in the days/months/years ahead.
In October 2015 I began to dive into the beginning of a rebranding process for ‘Laura Aiisha’ while mapping out another plan that would possibly, potentially be the magic key that would allow me to make the significant shifts in my life I’ve been dreaming of, but haven’t, until now, had the freedoms, time and space to even consider.
And you know what?! Instead of feeling super jazzed and stoked on it, I felt the opposite. It felt heavy, daunting, overwhelming.. Not. Fun.
I know that life can be like this sometimes. It can feel funky until you break through to the other side. And sometimes breaking through means staying the course, other times it means surrendering to your souls calling to letting it all go.
In November I finally had the courage to admit that all of this activity around rebranding, doing this, launching that wasn’t feeling very magical to me. It was feeling like work (in a bad way.. I actually love to roll up my sleeves and get my hands all up in it, but this was different), like it was dragging me down, it wasn’t flowing. It felt the exact opposite of how I desire to feel as I’m birthing my power and purpose into the world.
So I decided that instead of going the old route of ‘pushing through it’ and just ‘going for it’ I decided to LISTEN to my Soul’s calling.
My Soul was aching for time, space, healing, attention. And all of this doing and busy making was distracting me from coming home to myself, going within and getting more quiet so that I could feel, hear, heal and know how to be. here. now. Instead of running, chasing, making it happen. The big question and meditation for me is this…
In mid-November I decided to take a pause from social media, put a pause on all of my projects (except what was allowing me to pay my bills for the moment) and even… drum roll please!! Put a pause on dating and intimate relations with men. WHOA!! This is really big stuff here!! Huge for the super extrovert who gets so much in life from my connections and interactions with others, and who loves good lovin’ and playing the field!!
I had to get rid of the distractions.
As the year was winding down, with about a month off of social media (which I’ve hardly missed) I came down with bronchitis the weekend before Christmas. So I had to rest and chill, which is one of my biggest challenges in life, because there’s so much to do/ be/ experience/ create!! I also had to reach out for support, allow myself to be taken care of and ditch the long to-do list.
I convinced myself that I was taking the holidays off, but really I had hours and hours of tasks on schedule to complete before the new year. Admittedly, I’m a bit of a productivity junkie.. I get off on checking things off of the to-do list. It’s an old habit I picked up from my Dad. And because I was recovering from bronchitis, I had to let a lot of that stuff go. I simply didn’t have the energy for it.
Then a week after new years the stomach bug moved through me (talk about purging!!!) and again I was pretty much laid up for a weekend resting, chilling and taking care of myself.
This is a different time for me. It’s exciting and uncomfortable, really really uncomfortable at times. I’m shedding old ways to make space for the new, purging both physically, spiritually and energetically, cutting ties and chords with the past and preparing myself for the amazing future that is coming in now.
I’m writing all of this for a few reasons. I’ve been thinking of you, missing you, and wanting to share some of where I’m at, what I’m choosing, who I’m being aside from the image I could be portraying with a few social media posts here and there, some fun pictures and marketing promo for my next gig, event or project.
I’m also sharing because I’m wondering if you can relate, perhaps you’ve gone through your own pause(s). (If so, I’d LOVE to hear about it! leave a comment and share your stories with me!) Or perhaps you know you need to put a pause on certain things, but you’re scared to take the leap, or press your finger on the ‘pause’ button 😉
I want you to know that I’m simply and powerfully here.
I’ve been seeing a therapist the last 9 months or so. It’s been years since I went to traditional therapy and the timing was right on point. He’s been suggesting that I be a little more ‘boring’ (jeezz I severely dislike that word.. it doesn’t usually exist in my vocabulary!!) for a while so that I can actually create space for what’s ready to come up, be seen, embraced and cleared out, and to know what’s ready to be activated on.
His suggestion came because I’m brilliant at filling my life with beautiful distractions, flitting from this to that, and then wondering why I continue having the same, or similar, experiences with different players, ups and downs, highs and lows etc.. riding the marry-go-round basically.
Here’s what is true for me right now…
I’m choosing to consciously co~create my life anew, by gently surrendering to my soul’s calling, knowing that this is exactly where I need to be right. now. I’m listening more intently than ever, to my own inner guidance and slowing down a bit. Even though it feels soooo borrrinnnggg, mundane and uncomfortable at times, it also feels so frickin’ powerful to be choosing this! I feel more empowered within myself than ever before!!
Can you dig?!!
One thing is for sure… I am so sooo incredibly grateful for you!! We’ve been on this journey together for a while now, and I couldn’t do it without you.
I’m embarking on some new pathways, wavelengths and vibrations.. (It’s amazing how, when you create space and time in your life to just be, you begin to hear the things that have been vying for your attention.)
So if you don’t hear from me for a while or too often for the next bit just know that as I hold you in my heart and blessings, I’m also taking time for me, going within, writing, playing guitar and most likely laying the foundation for some really frickin’ amazing, soul igniting, mind expanding, heart filling awesomeness that will surely inspire, uplift and wake up our worlds within and without for the better!
Loving and Honoring you in this most DIVINE New Year! May you and yours continue to be HIGHLY BLESSED in ALL directions of time and space, in all that you do and be, and may you continue to listen to the song (and sound) of your soul!!
BEST of the BEST to you and yours in 2016 and beyond!!
More Love & Powers,
This is the Tedx talk that my twin sistar Sarah and I did for #BuffaloTedxWomen in 2013!