It’s one thing to talk about it, dream about it, have an inkling in your soul that you can be all that you can be about it, to desire it, long for it, cry for it and cringe for it… and then wonder why it’s not happening yet, why you’re still so far away from it.. and actually that doom filled though of ~ will this happen at all?
I’ve had this experience for a better part of the last 12 years. I’ve made efforts, got out there and manifested some incredible opportunities, worked on amazing projects and was so focused on ‘making it happen’ that I actually kept ‘it’ in all the glory of what I know ‘it’ (‘it’ being my greatest life vision.. what I see in my minds eye when I think of living the life of my dreams) can be, away from me… Mostly because I was trying to build ‘it’ on top of a foundation wrought with limiting beliefs, old stories, a considerable lack of self esteem, drama and baggage.
The time had come to truly face and deal with my shit on a next level. To go deep and commit to clearing whatever was standing in the way between me, my greatest potentials and the life of my dreams. After a super intense and devastating heart break 6 years ago, I decided that i’d had enough!! I had played the victim role to life for too long… it was time for a significant and multidimensional shift in my beingness and thus reality.
I met Julie Cramer, an intuitive healer and transformational life coach when I moved to Rochester, NY and felt tons of spooky spirit energy in my apartment. I was seeking an intuitive to come and help me clear this scary energy out of my house.. it makes me giggle a bit now to think of that. Because it was really a reflection of the spooky energy that I felt in me, that I kept on lock for so many years, the energies, thoughts, fears, old beliefs and stories that were aching to be heard and released from my being to create new pathways to the truth and the true me.
Julie came over and tuned in, we burned sage and meditated together. This was the beginning of a 5 year coaching relationship and friendship that served as the foundation for what turned out to be the most incredibly blessed, supported healing journey i’ve been on yet in this life! Through my work with Julie I developed tools and capacities to allow lifetimes of grief and anger to clear, awareness of old stories that were holding back and the ability to learn new ones, how to care for myself on the days that my heart felt heavy and how to be completely authentic and honest with others when something felt out of alignment. I also learned that the full spectrum of emotions are OK and learned to be OK with the discomfort when it comes up.. allowing discomfort the space to be present, is one of the most empowering things that I can do in my transformational process. Working with her assisted me in stepping into trust in this new expansive and empowered way, to shift my relationship to money and abundance and to know what it is like to have a truly supportive community available for myself and my daughter… at no cost.. just for the love of it!!
And it all came to this simple yet profound action and an empowered choice to DO THE WORK. Dang.. there were times I wanted to run out of Julie’s place and never look back.. and there were times when she would introduce me to a completely new perspective and I would think ‘What the hell is she talking about?!’ However, I stuck with it.. through thick and thin.. I committed FULLY to evolving myself and my life experience in ways that intimidated me, challenged me and stretched me waaaaay beyond my comfort zone. And those abstract perspectives started to sink in, they started to make sense. Behaviors I had become accustomed to over the years started to diminish and disappear! And I started to realize that life is indeed a journey.. there are high energy times and there are low energy times and everything in between. I am riding the wave and picking up the skills and tools and building the muscles to ride it like a pro. Being a pro to me means having awareness and mindfulness of my actions, reactions and interactions with life, USING the tools I have gained to show up in new expansive ways, to allow and trust the process, have patience, love and embrace myself fully and wholly, make amends when needed and focus on gratitude and celebration to uplift my life experience.
I am living proof that doing the work.. whatever work calls to your souls evolution and transformation, is well worth it. Our lives have the capacity to expand in the most miraculous ways.. one step at a time.
I’d love to hear about what types of practices and processes you are implementing into your own life to evolved beyond patterns of the past and step into a new expansive life experience! What’s working for you?!